Silk web gown Unraveled Revealing naked self, deformed. I was Forced to Look.

Residue from Jaded Love’s death Sticks while loving you, Again spinning silk web.

Cursing porcelain Alter toilet. Purging for different Perfection. Guttural Light grows Bright as Fire.

I hear, feel and taste your love, Unlike opium of love before, Unlike food to clothe Anxiousness,

Unlike sex to satisfy Loneliness, Unlike desire to deny truth. This love will Not Lie!

Under Silk web gown dripping of morning’s dew, Birth of Beauty.

It was during the end of a dark depression in my young life that this poem came to me. Within the previous five years prior I had been abandoned twice by fiancés in which we shared a committed relationships heading toward marriage.

There was a great shock with the ruin of the second relationship breaking-up and I began to realize that I was not a victim left behind, but a passive aggressive instigator of the situation. I desired marriage but I did not know how to love or be loved. I wanted to be desperately loved and was good at becoming the fantasy these men desired.

Eventually the illusion couldn’t be maintained and I blamed the men and pushed them away until they stopped loving me, but in reality they never truly love me but instead a persona. Unconsciously I wanted freedom to discover who I was and be loved for who I am. In this poem I loosely use the metaphor of a female spider weaving her web to catch her prey, but the web is in the shape of a ‘Gown’ that represents a garment that is worn to enhance one’s appearance or attractiveness externally and although the title is Under Silk Web Gown, the idea of the word, ‘Under’ represents an attractiveness that transcends within.