Answer Me

So I went to the sea to ask what should I do?

What’s my next move?

And the tide ebbed and flowed,

And the gulls just flew.

The people talked and kissed.

My heart whispered, ‘Stay,’

But my head shouted, ‘Go.’

As the boats just stood in silence.

I wrote this poem about fifteen years ago. At that time I had been living in a small city and I had decided that I wanted to move to Brighton and was looking for Jobs in secondary education. I had a really good friend there. Once my mind was made up, I handed my notice in at work and packed up my rucksack and left. At first something magical appeared to be happening as two friends of mine, a couple, decided that they were moving to Brighton too.

About six weeks after my move, I still didn’t have a job and my savings were running out. My friends then told me that they weren’t moving to Brighton after all, but to London instead and they asked me to go with them.

That’s when I headed to the beach, already a favourite place. I remember it was a clear day as I sat on the pebbles and tried to logically work out “What’s my next move?"Should I stick with my decision to stay in Brighton or should I go to London? After all, I’d wanted to live there too.

I remember feeling very still, physically still that is. I was also very conflicted inside. Everything around me moved, the sea, the people and the birds, but there were small boats moored on the beach and though their sails flapped in the wind, they weren’t going anywhere. When I wrote, “My heart whispered ’Stay’;But my head shouted, ’Go’;”it was as if there were many more logical arguments to going to London, yet I could not escape the fact that instinctively it felt wrong to go there, even though I had no money, no job and only one friend. The small voice was winning.

I stayed in Brighton for three years and loved it. Trusting my instincts was definitely the right thing to do.