I really am a bit lost

I have you now for good

But at what cost?

The pain I have brought

On to those I love has left me

With no lessons taught.

You’re my buoy in the sea

Why’d it take so long

To pick you out of humanity

You’re just like me.

Maybe that makes me a narcissist.

Maybe not.

Our anger erupts together

In a profound and hated orgasm

Mean words cut like thorns

And the cross that I bear.

I don’t mind.

Balloons of white and purple

On a twisted sunset

Launched into the horizon

As we exchange our vows

You’re mine now.

I’m not scared.For once.

You protect me from myself.

My habits of self destruction.

I sneak in the night.

To try and destroy me.

You awake.Always.

Do you ever sleep?

I don’t get away with it.

Thank you for that.Even if I don’t mean it.

I know my gratitude should exist.

I’m sorry that I hate myself.

I really am.

Thank whatever Gods may be that you’re here.

My habits cut deeper than guns.

You save me from me.How could you know?

–And still care?

You deserve better.

Someone pretty.

And sweet.

And caring.

I am none of that.

I am mean. Cynical.Cruel.Unethical.

I am dumb.

You love me.

If only you could tell me why.

But you can’t.

Like me the words die before they form.

We grow everyday a bit more.

I grow.I change.

Because of you.

Sometimes it shocks me how good you are.

Why’d it take so long?

I screwed up so much before you.

If only I had you long ago

Before hurt.

Before pain.

Before scorn.

Before tears.

You could’ve erased it.

The worst part is I think I needed those things.

To earn you.

To become whole.

I had to earn your bliss.

It’s okay.

That’s the cross I bare.

And I still don’t mind.

Thank you for everything you are.

Thank you for everything you feel.

Thank you for everything you do.

Thank you for everything you say.

Even the mean things.

Because sometimes I need them.

Thank you for making me your wife.

—END—

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